Apeman-ty

I've been on Deviantart for years, and even before I had an account I browsed through galleries and gathered inspiration. I'd like to write an introduction to myself and my "work" now, because I'm beginning to take a different artistic path. In the past year, I've considered giving up art to spend more time and energy on other pursuits; I am primarily a biologist and a musician, and my desire to develop my visual art capabilities tends to fluctuate. For years I've known that my artistic inclinations aren't entirely pure. I often feel the desire to be able to create something, but have no subject I care to create. I see the artwork of others and admire it deeply, but don't want to hang it on my wall. When I see a painting or a drawing that I like, rather than think, "I want to own that," I think, "I want to create that." Or be able to at least. If you're an artist yourself, you may think that's a little ridiculous, and I wouldn't argue much. I have little to gain by becoming a better artist as long as I have nothing in my imagination to pull into the physical world. It's very difficult to start something, to try, or to practice, when your goal is not "to do an ink study of the lake at the park" but "to be able to do an ink study of the lake at the park". If you think about it too much, you're paralyzed, afraid, and you put away your pens for four or five months.

But this past year, I've devoted almost every minute to learning. I read over 50 books, studied art music, learned a new programming language, read several books in my second language, and studied art: anatomy, ink drawing, color, light, and composition. I also finished a very important painting that I first conceived of five years ago: Flux. It isn't a spectacular painting, and I'm certain it's not exactly "correct". But for the first time, I overcame paralysis and put my mind to something that I knew wouldn't be perfect. I tackled something I knew I wasn't capable of, and I became capable of it. Perhaps in another five years I'll redo it, or perhaps I'll have better ideas to pursue by then. For now--as long as I continue pursuing visual art, that is--I plan to take more risks, make more mistakes, and create more artwork.

Given how little I care to update strangers, I expect this journal entry will still be on my front page in 2020, or 2022, and I imagine this will still be a fair introduction to my personality and my work. Let's all get to work, fill up a sketchbook or three, and see what we can achieve in the next five years.


Natalia